Today I want to chat about my depression and anxiety and how they keep me from doing the things I enjoy.
Now having both depression and anxiety together, is not a fun combo. One keeps me from doing something and the other makes me feel terrible for not doing that thing.
Let’s talk about an example of that: Say someone asks me to hang out at their house. One of my really close friends asks our friend group to hang out for a chill night of watching movies and eating food. I want to go…like I really want to go because I don’t want to miss out on everything. But…. My anxiety kicks in and I get that “fight or flight” response feeling. Why? There really isn’t a reason. That’s just how my body responds.
I can’t get myself to go. It’s like my body is forcing me to go home and I start to feel panicked and upset. Then…..I feel like I need to make excuses as to why I can’t go because if I say, I’m anxious….it just sounds silly. Why should I feel anxious about going to a house I’ve been to before or hanging out with friends that I’ve seen and have been with tons of times?
After I go home, I feel… depressed and my mind starts yelling at me – Why didn’t you go? You could have gone over, it’s not that big of a deal. They’ll never invite you to hangout again, you just keep bailing. Your friends are annoyed with you. You’re pathetic…
I wish this didn’t happen. Sometimes I can get over it, go to the hangout and I’m perfectly fine once I get there. It’s honestly frustrating that I go through this every single time before I hang out with a friend or anyone.
On the other hand….. sometimes it’s reversed. My depression gets so bad that I can’t even get up to go to work. Then I have my anxiety yelling at me all day that I’m a terrible person for using up my PTO and not going to work when I was perfectly capable of going.
This is usually different from my normal work anxiety. That I can usually get to go away once I start getting ready for the day.
This year in particular has not been great for my mental health and I’m sure for a lot of people’s mental health.
I’m lucky enough to have such amazing friends and family that understand what I’m going through and they help in anyway that they can.
I find it helpful to just be honest with how I’m feeling and not try and hide it or feel embarrassed by it.
Let me know if you’ve ever felt like this or felt something similar.
Be safe and remember to vote ❤️
Chelsea Dwyer 
I have a story from college. My first year was great. I knew my roommate from high school and it was the best thing being able to go to the dining hall every night with her and a couple other friends like we were living next to a restaurant! Things were good. My second year, stressful things started happening like getting bad grades because I was too depressed to make it to class plus a break up and just feeling really lost about my future.
Eventually I’d be sitting in class or trying to eat in the dining hall and it felt like the walls were closing in. My mind would race thinking about how embarrassing it would be to throw up or something while I was trapped. I started avoiding all kinds of situations because I felt like a crazy person. Who can’t just sit in a room listening to a professor? Who can’t eat with people in the dining hall?
It’s taken a really long time to start to accept myself as a person. Counseling helped tremendously because it was a constant reminder of those things I value that my anxiety or depression wreck. I’ve discovered I am not my anxiety or depression but they’re definitely part of my journey.
Hang in there lady ☺️ You’re doing great!
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I have anxiety when I have to go someplace new by myself. I still have anxiety when I have a work function to go to. I know everyone but being all together in one room is not a good feeling for me.
I can relate to you about being invited out with friends or hanging out at their house. I went anyway and once I got there I was fine. I feel most comfortable when I’m at my children’s get together.
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